#11 DOLLS:
As seen in: Childs Play, Dead Silence
Cons of Animation: It will likely happen when you are still asleep
Pros of Animation: At least you can fit their creepy asses in the microwave
Scare-o-meter: 2
Perhaps the most simultaneously terrifying but relieving daily object that can come to life; the doll, is half killing machine and half cuddly joke. The biggest advantage little teddy, Malibu Barbie or Furbee has is the element of surprise; you never suspect the doll until it’s too late, and even when, it’s not exactly intimidating.
But that advantage goes a long way, because when your toys start diving at you from behind the closet door with a large steak knife you're s.o.l. They also have the creepy propensity to slightly alter their originally adorable faces into a twisted cutesy hybrid of Toys R Us driven mayhem.
But 30 seconds on power level 7 should do the trick.
#10 VENTRILOQUIST DUMMIES AND PUPPETS:
As seen in: Pin, Dead Silence
Cons of Animation: They're like dolls...but to the max!
Pros of Animation: If you're lucky, they are linked to a more vulnerable human master
Scare-o-meter: 3
Puppets and things similar, as with dolls are a mixed bag of threats. On the one hand they often have their own evil powers, and an oft insane or revenge obsessed human pulling the strings so to speak which doubles the trouble.
But more favourably, if you can get to the puppeteer, they are usually much easier to dispatch of than the dummy.
I would recommend something ironic like strangling them with the puppet strings...
#9 LAUNDRY FOLDING MACHINES:
As seen in: The Mangler
Cons of Animation: It’s the ultimate surprise when your folding machine folds you instead
Pros of Animation: Well...if you're a guy, you probably never do laundry anyways...
Scare-o-meter: 3
I put the laundry folding machine just above dolls and dummies simply for that aforementioned element of surprise which far surpasses that of your childhood play things. At least in that case they have legs which hypothetically could be used to chase after you, but a laundry machine is the ultimate insult.
The Maytag of death also gets props for its killing potential; if it gets you, consider yourself...dare I say...pressed for time?
Good thing you can just unplug it.
#8 SCARECROWS:
As seen in: Scarecrows
Cons of Animation: Even if you escape you have to clean up the straw...
Pros of Animation: They don’t actually work so farmers tend not use them that often
Scare-o-meter: 4
Scarecrows...the scorn from the corn. the problem with encountering a frisky scarecrow is that they are harder to kill; they are taller then dolls, more mobile than a laundry machine, creepier than a dummy and almost always impervious to gun shots, knifes, drowning, blunt force et al. Their only weakness is, obviously, fire which unfortunately is harder to come across in a situation of panic.
But scarecrows are usually subject to irony... such as a rip in their clothes leading to a de-strawing and eventual collapse, crow attacks and vengeful farmers. My only advise? Don't end up in a pumpkin patch at the climax as I assure you, he'll have the upper hand.
